TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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