Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
