He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
