Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
True but thats because hes a fetus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
