Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
