Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
