He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize