I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google imaged poop.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We need to rekindle our bromance
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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