i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
