I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
