Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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