I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
