I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
