my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
