No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
