my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
