This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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