i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
