answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
