I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
