I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
