my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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