Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
