cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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