Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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