Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
