so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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