i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
