yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
