so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
