I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
