is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
