He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
