those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
