Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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