I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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