You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm having to shit out rocks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
