I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize