my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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