You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
