How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
did you just send me my own nude
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
