Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
