He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This baby is an asshole
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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