M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All the doctor said was why
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
