respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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