How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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