hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
