spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will be naked everywhere
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
