It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
