Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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