could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
