I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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