Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
