Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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