he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize