we made out on top of his cat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There's even glitter on my cock...
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