i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
