i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize