Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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