Sry I called you an 8
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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