If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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