So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
