I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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