everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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