My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
