i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
