the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
